Current Status: Hope

•September 21, 2015 • Leave a Comment

So I saw the liver doctor last week. I’ve been taking some time to process all the information he gave me. He was very informative, I like him, he’s clever. He made sure that I was correctly informed and he cleared up a lot of misconceptions,  bad information, and overall data.

This specialist spent almost an hour and a half talking with me and my mom.  I was amazed, I kept expecting him to walk out saying he’d be right back and not see him for an hour or so. However he really took the time with us, listened to my concerns and my plans, and he gave me hope.

He agreed with my plan for the gastric sleeve, saying the benefits outweigh the risks.  He also told me Tylenol is not the devil, which seems to be a sore point with some doctors.  Sadly, he agreed with the rest of the medical field about margaritas, they aren’t in my future if I want a future!

The real information is this: if I can make the changes I need, lose the weight and eat healthy? Patients with my type of liver issues have an 80% chance to live another ten years.

He didn’t express a lot of hope for regeneration of my liver, it could happen, but looking at my age and issues it’s not likely. However with the amount of liver that I have left, and making the right choices, my liver can sustain me for some time.  An 80 percent chance of ten years is a lot better than one to three years!

I am still processing, and I have a journey ahead of me.   But the Doctor gave me hope, and I didn’t feel he was just ‘shining me on’ as my friend Kimmie used to say.  He wants me to have the data to make good choices.  Now I have three doctors appointments to get cleared for surgery and then it’s the next step.

I appreciate the support and concern and the love that so many have shown me.   Thank you.

Week of Wonder aka My Imaginary Christmas Tree!

•December 7, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Welcome to December 1st when many people start opening their advent calendars! As for me, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it.

Today’s song: We need a little Christmas
Today’s ornament: PEACE, this is a dove made of handblown glass, holding a single white poppy in it’s mouth. 
Today’s hope: That we can all find peace in our own lives. That we can let go of drama and negativity, and reach out to the people in our lives with love.
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Welcome to December 2nd, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it.

Today’s song: I’ll be home for Christmas
Today’s ornament: HOME a simple wooden ornament in the shape of a house.
Today’s hope: That we all have a place to call home. Sometimes the roof and four walls is the most important thing, but knowing that you have a place where you belong is priceless.
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Welcome to December 3rd, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it.

Today’s song: Winter Wonderland
Today’s ornament: SNOW – a simple snowglobe, filled with glittery sparkly snow falling over the Las Vegas Strip
Today’s hope: That you may have a blanket of snow on your holiday if you like it, or just the glittery fall in a snowglobe if you are more like me! Either way, a dusting of the holiday to decorate your world, to remind us to enjoy being here.
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Welcome to December 4th, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it.

Today’s song: Jingle Bell Rock
Today’s ornament: HOPE – A set of bells – they jungle and ring with even the slightest movement. Every time the sound spreads hope through the room and everyone in it.
Today’s hope: That you have hope in your spirit. That you raise your head knowing that things are possible and are not defeated by anything.
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Welcome to December 5th, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it.

Today’s song: I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (yes the coke song!)
Today’s ornament: FRIENDS – A crystal ornament that you can shake and see any friend you think of magically appear!
Today’s hope: That you have real friends in your life. That you have learned to be a true friend to others, and to pick the people in your life who can be true friends to you.
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Welcome to December 6th, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it. So far I have hung Peace, Home, Snow, Hope, & Friends.

Today’s song: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!
Today’s ornament: Health – A glass bottle in the shape of a heart – filled with a magical elixir that can cure anything!
Today’s hope: That you have your health. If you don’t have the best health then I wish that you have access to medical attention and people who are vested in getting you healthy.
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Welcome to December 7th, I have concocted a Christmas Tree in my imagination, and every day I want to hang a different ornament upon it. So far I have hung Peace, Home, Snow, Hope, Friends, & Health.

Today’s song: Joy to the World (the Three Dog Night version if you like?) 
Today’s ornament: JOY – a small figure of a child posed as though jumping for joy – with a beaming smile full of mischief & love!
Today’s hope: That you have Joy inside of you! I wish that you have that joyful spirit inside which can make any journey – physical, emotional or mental – a little easier to manage.

Forgiveness

•November 26, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Today I am grateful for forgiveness. It is a rare gem, it cannot be demanded – only gifted. When I open my heart and look inside at the grudges and slights I hold, I see they only bring me negativity and unhappiness.

This is harder to do than I thought, but I want to commit to this. I forgive. I release anyone in my life from the past. I am releasing all those unpaid debts I’ve harbored agai

nst others. All who wronged me in the past, I forgive them today. I’ve felt cheated or ill-treated by others, I now am releasing all of that from my spirit and moving forward.

There are some who I felt slighted me, whether they truly did or not, I have held that resentment. I now give that up. I am not going to grab at the strings of past pain, I am letting go.

I forgive every person who has been in my life or affected it in any way. I forgive the living and the dead. I forgive everything from the smallest of offenses to the greatest harm to me and mine. I release you and yours from any real or perceived mistake, accident or intention.

Alright, I have read through this, and I do want to clarify something. I am guilty of wronging others, sometimes intentionally and some by mistake. I do not trade my forgiveness. I give it freely with no agenda other than stated here. To those I have wronged in deed or thought, I encourage you to let me know? I would appreciate the chance to ask for your forgiveness, but please do not feel burdened to give it.

I find that there is one person in my thoughts who I am having a hard time forgiving. I did not want to include this person, yet I am going to. This person I will forgive of all sins committed against myself. I forgive all the people in my past and I release them from any history best forgotten. I ask for no apology or regret.

To that most difficult person, I do say I forgive myself. I release myself from past burden to me. I will stop beating myself up for my past choices and actions that have harmed me. I will acknowledge that those same actions have brought me to where I am today, and I have a good life.

 I’m trying to be very honest with myself, to make sure I can really let go? I found that I am being very careful with my wording – I just rewrote a big part of this to be more concise and also encompass more in what and who I am forgiving.

Please know this is not a guilt-free pass for me. I release everyone from sins to me and mine, I release myself from those that affected me.

What is it about that chair?

•July 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

That chair.  The one you never would sit in.  It’s just not done.  You may not be the kind of person who goes around saying things like that, but secretly, in the back of your mind?  You know THE chair I am talking about.  Could be your dad’s, your grandmother’s, your husband’s, your wife’s, heck it could even be the guy at the deli down the street.  But you would never sit there.  It’s just not done.

It starts out easy.  Oh this is the only chair that feels good on my back.  Or this chair is just the right height for my sewing.  Or simply – that’s MY chair.  Like any other chair could never work.  Must of been one of the first cavemen who stumbled onto a convenient log and said – yep – this fits MY butt – onga bonga – MY chair!

Historians say that until the 1600’s most people didn’t have a chair.  A few merchants or upwardly mobile serfs might have managed a stool or a bench, but no back.  The chair was reserved for the noble, the royal and upper clergy members.  Imagine that – Sunday dinner and not a chair in sight?  Thanksgiving would be chaos!  If just the head of the household had a chair – then think of the posturing and mind games that would ensue – all in pursuit of a backed seat. The industrial age brought us much to be grateful for – don’t forget to include the chair in your turkey day litany of thanks!

Even in today’s culture, the chair holds a special place.  Ever been on the edge of your seat?  Many a movie theater has broken armrests from a scary flick.  That musical build up, you know its going to happen and yet – you still jump a little as you hold onto your chair with both hands just hoping it will keep you safe for a little bit longer.

And if someone gives you big news, they tell you to sit down.  Good or bad – they don’t want you falling over in shock.  Never mind falling off the edge of your seat!  Really though – no one ever says lay down, I have news…  it just doesn’t happen like that.

The Chair itself – now there is some power!  Whether its the first violinist or the CEO of the company – that chair gets the job done!  The Chair in a board meeting can recognize people – or not – all up to the whims of the Chair.  Almost makes me want two more legs, well only if the stock options came with it!

Kids are taught the importance of the seat right away.  Musical chairs is a power play whether in the classroom or at the popular kid’s party.  The winners go on to leading their classmates, then becoming captains of industry.  All the while the kid who stumbled in the first round is living in his mom’s basement and drawing pictures of a gumball delivery system that will allow him to chew long enough to get into the Guinness book of world records.  How you dominated musical chairs has a direct correlation to who you played spin the bottle with and whether you got a letter in sports.

Of course we have another meaning for the chair.  That final destination of evil-doers who are powerless against the electric currents aimed at their brain.  The image of electrified hair smoking out the last few brain cells is strong.  But so is the picture of a woman holding her baby rocking in a chair, that cocoon of safety and mother love draped around them like a blanket.  Or the baby in the high chair grinning toothless at the steamed peas she has just smeared all over the tray.

I like the summer wedding with a grand old dame in a big hat, sitting in a chair near the dance floor.  Auntie will tell you stories of her wedding while you hold her papery soft hand in yours, sitting on rented chairs draped with tulle in the bride’s signature colors.  Or maybe whoever that was up top, the one with THE chair?  Maybe sometimes on a very good night you go and sit in their chair that smells of all their good smells, listening for the least little noise to make you jump up. And you think of them all the more fondly because you seem wrapped up in the very essence of them.

When I was a kid I would play with my great-grandmother’s wheelchair.  I knew it was how she got around, I don’t remember her without it.  And my cousin had one too – he was just a few years older than me, but the chair was his after an accident.  Now, I think I am way too young for a wheelchair but I know its in my not too distant future.  I have one now for longer distances.  But I hate it.

Why is the chair such a symbol of power and strength until you put wheels on it?  Because once those go on, wow – start spinning!  People look down on you, not just because they are standing, but worse.  Some people will not make eye contact, some won’t speak directly to me, just to whoever I’m with.  Or the ones who assume that if I am in a wheelchair I must be deaf?  Still don’t get that one.  But for every one of those there has been a stranger who offers to help me get something so that balances out I think.

Where I lose the balance?  When total flipping strangers come up and say – oh you are too young to be in a wheelchair – whats wrong with you?  Honestly!  Though it was worse when a old co-worker walked up to me and said oh no- what happened – did you have a stroke?  What can you say to those people?  ‘No dear, I’m doing a candid camera segment on the rude things people say to those in wheelchairs and I will need you to sign a release’?  Or just look crazy eyed at them and whisper ‘it was the zombies..flesh eating ghouls..desecraters of all that was once good and pure…’

•July 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

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•July 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

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•July 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

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