Beaten by technology!

I was foiled by my phone this week.

I have my minions, Hubby & the Bailey girl, the army of monsters I am slowly creating,  a few special friends I can call upon to help me with taking over the world… er, I mean living a good life!  But I was stunned to realize just how integral the phone is to my overall plan. And when the phone died this week ~ EEK!  I found out just how dependent I am on the little machine.

I wake up to it’s chirping alarm clock every morning.   The calendar tells me what is scheduled for today, and tomorrow, heck for years to come!  All my birthday information on all my friends is somewhere in there.  Sure I could look it up on facebook, but guess what?  This is my quicklink to Facebook too!  I can barely remember my husbands phone number, much less every one of the over 300 numbers in my phone.  And the addresses of the places that I cant remember exactly where they are?  Yes that’s in there.  As well as one of my favorite functions – the Navigator!  With this, I can find anything, any sort of store or company, look up the phone number without the unwelcome charge from information, get directions from anywhere to anything – heck it will navigate me out of a parking lot!  When I miss a long distance friend – I can pop their addy in and figure out how far we are in time and distance.

And if I dont want to go to the trouble of Navigator – there’s always the google text! Yep, text the name and city or zip code of anyplace you want to find to google and poof- you get a text message back.  WHHAAAAHHHH!!!  I want my text messages!!!!  I have at least five frozen messages on my phone – I can see the mailbox but I cant open it!  Its like torture!  Ok, I can see how some might say my valley girl dilemna is not even close to actual torture – but Webster’s says torture is anguish of body or mind : agony or : something that causes agony or pain or the infliction of intense pain (as from burning, crushing, or wounding) to punish, coerce, or afford sadistic pleasure.  Yep, its torture I tell ya!

So how about the internet?  You know, opening up the email to see if a message has come in or writing an urgent memo to someone begging them not to text me?  Nope, frozen!  I cant even do the bed time ritual of looking up the mega~millions page to see how much the jackpot is, the cash value, then click over to the calculator to see how much after taxes it will break down per share.  Oh yeah, I have a lottery plan – don’t you?

I couldn’t use the calculator yesterday to see how many miles per gallon my car got on the latest fill up!  OMG~I had to do math in my head!!!! Nearly killed me I swear!  And I forgot to get the receipt so I had to keep the numbers in my head instead of typing them in and the line at costco gas was ugly and I couldnt just sit in my car with all those people waiting while I figured out long division in my head – TORTURE!

Oh, and my sleep!  Ok, I cant wake up without the alarm clock, cant do my bed time rituals with lottery dreams, then what about the seventeen times a night that I wake up and check the time to see if its dumb for me to be awake?  Yep, no idea when I sit there so I have to get up, navigate past the dog on the end of the bed, trudge down the hall and into the kitchen where I can see the clock which tells me its been an hour since I did this last.  This of course leaves me awake enough to know I cant go lie back down, not without a trek to the bathroom, and maybe a glass of water and half an hour later I’m finally getting snuggled back into bed.  Or has it been half an hour?  I cant tell without the clock.  Do you see where this is going?

Oh and my favorite nighttime remedy to turn off my brain and fall asleep has been taken away from me.  Many is the night I have Bejeweled Twisted my way to the nirvana of sleep.  Its only playable with the touchpad.  Hmmm… could this be the reason for the touchpad death?  Naahh. Couldn’t be the countless hours of clicks and touches.  It must be the Forces of Doom out to wreck my plan for world domination!  Er, I mean um, well why does it always happen to me??

And did I mention phone calls?  Yes – I occasionally use my phone for actually calls to people – but now?  Alas, I am foiled.  I can call the number of the last person that called me.  That’s right, the redial function almost works.  Its the only thing that stops me from hurling this piece of technology across the room.  That, and well, how much I would miss it…

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~ by Kim on May 15, 2011.

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