The Rules of the Birthday…

This blog is in honor of my friend Kijo who is celebrating this week.  I stumbled into a conversation about how she was allowed to celebrate it as her day until she went to sleep so stay up and party!  Thats when I realized – not everyone knows about the Birthday Rules!  Hence – our meeting here to discuss the same!

First there’s the actual day – when you only do what you want to do – and try to get free stuff doing it. Then there is the birthday week – usually taken as vacation –  when you do much as you please and give yourself special treats along the way.  This is the time to use all those gift certificates you forgot you had – and also a great time to let others take you to lunch!

Now it gets trickier….

Theres the birthday month, but thats only in your twenties and thirties, unless its a landmark birthday – like one ending in five or zero. Of course 21 has its own rules – mainly because why would you really want to celebrate that one before you actually CAN celebrate that one?   That’s also one of the mandatory drunken birthdays.  You dont have to do it that night- just sometime in the week surrounding the birthday itself.

Please, for your own sake – get a babysitter that night!  To babysit YOU!  A very good friend who will do things like stop you from drunk dialing your ex, hold your new shoes while you barf, get you a cool washcloth to wipe your face, and won’t let you go home with that weird guy with the one creepy eye who always wears the same light blue windbreaker with the picture of  his junior high school mascot  on it.

{This is the friend you should think of when you look for a maid of honor.  She will probably try to blackmail you with the photos of that night to get out of it, but if you are a good friend too – then you probably have pictures of her doing the same. }

Okay, any landmark birthday supercedes the one month time limit.  These fives and zeros require one month of odd behaviors prior to the event, as well as one month after to recuperate from the event.  For when you dye your hair fire engine red for the first time before considering that nothing in your closet will go with it.  For the tattoos, piercings, and bad relationship choices that if you can get rid of it in a month good for you!!  For the time you decide to give away everything you own and move to another state without knowing a soul.

Really, loan officers and legal professionals should take the month and year of any woman’s birthday into account before making any decisions or pressing any charges.   “I was turning 35 in twelve days…” should be a valid excuse for many crimes, including quitting your job to start a business making gift bows!  And credit card charges made in this time period should not be binding.  Hair dressers should be banned from dying or cutting your hair then too!  And marriage licenses?  Forget it!!!  While we are at it, calories shouldn’t count in the ‘danger zone’ and neither should carbs!

Now, in your forties, you actually begin to enjoy who you are so much that age isn’t as bothersome.  Well that and you keep forgetting that you had a few birthdays!  But you are moving toward the Jubilee years, and you get to make a few of your own rules now.  You get to decide about whether or not surprise parties exist.  You also get the weeknight party with a couple of dear friends as well as the weekend bash with everyone you know.  Be sure and multiply the amount you drink times the number of people there so you can keep track of your apologies the next day!

What are Jubilee years?  Fifty.  When you turn the big five zero you should have 50 days before and 50 days afterward to party and celebrate.  Each year you add a day on both sides.  At 60, you are celebrating your birthday for four months.  At 90, half of your year is a celebration of you.  This works for me!

By the way, outside of all these rules – there’s one other measure: Birthday spirit can consume you the first time anyone wishes you happy birthday or gives you a gift.  It doesn’t end until the last gift is given.  This is why we all keep a friend or two around who is always late (she gave me my gift two months later) and also a friend who is extremely busy.  They give you a gift of an event to share with them at a time later that is mutually beneficial to you both.  (This is how I get to tell Hubby that we are still celebrating MY birthday when his comes around!)

I like to be the person who takes you out a couple of weeks before your birthday ‘before you get too busy’  and starting your birthday season in full gear!  Feel free to remind me – I wouldn’t want to be late being early!



~ by Kim on June 21, 2011.

2 Responses to “The Rules of the Birthday…”

  1. Great post, Kim. Of course I believe that you can arbitrarily pick an age and stick to it. Right now I am 23. In a few days I will be 27, then 36.

  2. Oh my Heavens! You couldn’t have said it any better!! Big hugs for pointing this out to us!


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